Cracked Media

SEO agency red flags: how to spot the snake oil before you sign

SEO has the worst salesmen in marketing because the work is slow, invisible and easy to fake for six months. That's roughly one contract term. Here's how the grift usually looks, and what the honest version looks like instead.

Promises that should end the call

Guaranteed rankings: nobody controls Google, so a guarantee is either a lie or a plan to rank you for terms nobody searches. 'We know people at Google' is a lie with a suit on. And permanent results promised from a three-month sprint misunderstands the entire discipline.

The vanity keyword trick

Month one: rankings achieved! For 'best affordable quality widgets sheffield south yorkshire', a phrase searched by no living human. Insist on seeing estimated search volumes and, better, organic conversions. Rankings without traffic are trophies without prize money.

Activity theatre

Fifty directory submissions. Four hundred 'optimisations'. Ten blogs a month written by nobody about nothing. Volume metrics exist to fill reports when value is absent. One technical fix that unblocks crawling can beat a year of that. Ask what changed and what it was expected to earn.

What honest SEO looks like

A diagnosis before a prescription. Clear priorities: technical health, then pages that match commercial searches, then content and authority earned slowly. Reporting on organic revenue and enquiries, not just positions. And the humility to say some of it takes months. Slow and true beats fast and fake in every market we've worked.